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Love is Always Worth More

When I was three months old, the Christmas tree fell on me.

I was lying on a blanket underneath the fir, apparently fascinated by the twinkling lights and sparkling ornaments. My mother only left the room for a moment. And it was then, for whatever reason, the tree toppled. With me underneath.

As my mom rushed back into the room, she saw the fallen tree, couldn’t hear me making any noise and immediately assumed the worst.

Fortunately, I was fine. Not a scratch, not a bruise. The branches of the tree had landed perfectly on either side of me. I was just chilling amidst the boughs, unaware of what had happened. My mom always credited an angel for that one. Read more

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The Gift of Being Seen

It doesn’t matter who they are. As soon as she sees them walking towards her, the little hand pops up over the edge of the stroller, waving hello.

She sees them.

The neighbours. The dog walkers. The ones busily shouting into their phones. The ones walking alone. Old. Young. The ones I’d chose to avoid eye-contact with.

She sees all of them.

And I can’t help but wonder what life would be like if I stopped to truly see them too.

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Christmas Video 2019

We’re running late with the video this year, and you may have thought this moment wasn’t coming, but I’m excited to finally reveal our 2019 family video! And trust me, you want to watch this one. It’s CUUUUUUTE. (And that’s not even me being biased! I mean, I am, but still….)

This year was a big one for our family in many ways. New job, a published book, an amazing new literary agent, a kindergartener, a one-year-old who’s walking… There’s been a lot of incredible moments and glorious high-points for this year. But there’s also been months of grief as we said good-bye to my mom and learned what life looks like without her here.

These are the things we weigh and balance as reflect upon 2019.

There’s an extra empty chair around the dining room table this Christmas and that’s never an easy thing to face. But the table is also covered in love and surrounded by family and laughter — and those are the things we cherish most this holiday season.

And the year’s not quite over yet.

Through it all, God has been so faithful. And may have one more surprise in stock for you all… But to find out? Well, you’ll just have to watch the video. 😉

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A Day Trip to Fjällbacka, Sweden

For years, Camilla Läckberg has remained firmly planted within my top ten favourite authors list. Her stories are beautifully written tales, intricately woven with characters and history and murder. And so, when my husband and I booked our summer vacation to Sweden, I had but one request — we had to visit the site where Läckberg’s mysteries are set, the little village of Fjällbacka.

It was a two-hour drive from where we were staying to the coastal village of Fjällbacka. The drive there is filled with a mixture of pasture and forest, with Sweden’s adorable yellow and red homes dotting the farmlands outside our car window. Our GPS took us on a half-hour detour down a deserted gravel road and I joked that the murder mystery tour had already begun.

As we pulled into Fjällbacka, the landscape takes a sudden turn. The sea dazzles and sparkles in the sunlight while the dark rocks loom up behind the picturesque fishing village. This is what I’d been waiting for.

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Family Activity: Van Dusen Festival of Lights

Lights twinkle off branches and along pathways, glittering and shimmering against the darkened night sky. There is so much beauty contained in these mini-capsules of lights. Thousands of coloured strands line the garden, each one capturing a bit of the magic of Christmas.

This was my first time visiting Van Dusen Garden (for a Vancouver-born girl, this is a shocker I know!) And with their annual Festival of Lights, I was excited to finally check out this new-to-us Christmas location.

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Merry Christmas 2018!

Merry Christmas!

2018 was a year of great joy in the Mannegren household as we welcomed the arrival of a baby girl, Adelaide Jean. In addition to the abundance of diapers and baby onesies filling the latter half of our year, these past twelve months have also been marked by a four-year-old’s shark birthday party, a Thailand trip for hubby, and countless ultrasound appointments for me. We bought a new vehicle, took it on a long summer road trip, and then got a bit banged up in our first accident. Gymnastics, swimming lessons, and Swedish school — this year has been full!

And so, our 2018 video is brought to you by a couple of sleep-deprived parents. To celebrate the arrival of our new little one, we decided to give you a bit of a flashback to our very first video. (If you haven’t watched the 2014 video before, or just need a refresher, be sure to do so before watching this one!)

With great love from all of us, we present to you, our 2018 Christmas video!

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Pregnancy After Loss: Grieving a Lost Due Date

The end of March brings with it the end of our first trimester with this little bean. This milestone makes my breath catch and my heart swim. When I saw those pink lines on the pregnancy test, I was so focused on just getting through the first eight weeks, I could scarcely dream of the end of the first trimester. But here we are with a healthy, growing baby and hearts overflowing with excitement and joy.

At the same time, this month carries memories of another child I once carried in my womb. Memories of a little girl we named Avonlea. A child whom we knew for a mere seven days, a daughter whom I knew from the start we wouldn’t get to keep.

March 25 would have been her due date.

This is part of pregnancy after loss: remembering the ones who aren’t in your womb, the ones who never made it this far, and whose hearts you never saw beat. Just because a new baby grows within, doesn’t mean that the ones we lost are any less loved, cherished, or missed.

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Mannegren Family 2017 Christmas Video!

We are so excited to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and present to you, this years annual Christmas video! 

We get so many questions as to how these videos started, and truthfully, it’s mostly due to our misguided understanding of Christmas cards. For some reason, when we started this in 2014, we thought that it would be easier to make a video than to collect addresses and mail handwritten letters and cards. I’m not sure what we were thinking… but I’m glad that we decided to do it!

These Christmas videos are a lot of fun to film and a lot of fun to share. We hope that you enjoy our silly family tradition as much as we do. 🙂
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When the Holidays Aren’t So Merry or Bright

This time last year I was waiting on a miscarriage.

Nine weeks pregnant, I arrived at the ultrasound with a baby bean in my belly and a heart full of anticipation. And then, with a few fated words, the dreams that I had carried so close to my heart began to crumble once more.

“Maybe you’re not as far along as you thought…”

The ultrasound technician quietly snuck out to consult a doctor and I was left alone. Music floated softly through the room, and lyrics to the song, “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” assaulted my ears and ground against my wounded heart. Wrapped in a cheap, blue gown, I listened and I wept. It felt far from wonderful.

The doctor’s results were inconclusive and I was told to wait it out. For two weeks, I wrapped gifts and hung lights and attended holiday parties. With anxiety and secrets tucked behind an ugly Christmas sweater and a holiday smile, I waited to see if the baby would grow.

But mostly, I just waited to miscarry.

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Each Week With You

**I started writing this while pregnant with our little Avonlea. It is nothing more than the scribblings of a newly-expectant mother, the beat of my heart written out upon a page. My womb emptied before I had the chance to finish putting words to the experience; and so, this post remains short and sweet and complete all on its own – much like our daughter’s life. I share it with you today, in memory of each of our babes gone too soon.**

Each week with you is a miracle.

A small poppy seed lies in my belly, growing and blossoming with each day; a peppercorn, a blueberry, who knows how big you’ll become. No one sees you yet, this tiny knot of cells that have buried their way into my womb and clear through to my heart, but you’re there.

I don’t know how long we have together. I don’t know whether you’re the one whose forehead I will kiss as I rock to sleep, or whose toes I will tickle just to hear the sound of your laugh. I don’t know if we will name you in the first trimester as we say good-bye, or if we will proudly announce your height and weight on birth announcements for the world to see. I don’t know if a lifetime of memories with you means weeks, or months, or decades. All I know is right now.

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Baby Loss Update

It is with tears that we come to you today, discouraged and wearied by the loss of another little one, but confident in God’s deep grace and reassuring love.

Since so many of you have invested in the life of this tiny baby, we wanted to give you a brief update as to what has been happening these past few days.

As many of you know, this has not been an easy week for us. It’s been exhausting both physically and emotionally. I’d like to thank all of you who have spent time this past week interceding on behalf of our family in prayer.

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A Missed Due Date: February 25

February 25. The day seems inconspicuous on the calendar: one small white square surrounded by twenty-seven identical friends. The glossy paper and bright photo hangs on the wall and subtly counts the number weeks since we said good-bye. A faint reminder of what could have been radiates from the blank page and I’m left wondering about things that will never be.

It’s a day that should have been round and ripe, bursting with anticipation and nerves, excitement and eager impatience. Longing and contentment wrapped into one as air fills tiny lungs for the first time and our lives finally collide in tangibility.

Life. Breath. You.

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