The words were barely audible — a quiet whisper to a bruised heart.
The newborn stirred sleepily in my arms, a slice of my heart set out for the world to see. But there was another bit of my heart that wasn’t so noticeable — a piece that belonged to the baby not in my arms but in an infant-sized grave.
His death brought me to my knees. Like the tear-soaked tissues I clutched, the trite answers to “how I was doing” fell apart upon further prodding and yet, I wasn’t ready to wade deeper. I hid behind a veil of fake smiles and flimsy responses, a pretense at normality when I genuinely didn’t know what to feel.
But the word, write, burned ever stronger. As my fingers twitched and fluttered over the keys on my computer, a blog was born.
I started writing as a way to process my grief and as an outlet to the new world of motherhood in which I now stood. It was a type of motherhood that was significantly more messy, more broken, and more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. But it took time to discover that that beauty and pain could coexist — that they were, in fact, a glorious roadmap to a life lived more fully in Christ.
I uncovered grace as I wrote.
Grace as I dug deep and pushed my way through the walls of grief and into the comforting arms of Christ. Arms that hold tight. Arms that give freedom to grieve wholly and fully.
Grace to embrace the gift I’ve been given — a gift of tears and love that led me closer to the cross.
And out of those blog posts came a book about pregnancy loss, about stillbirth and miscarriage and clinging to Christ in the midst of it all.
A few months ago, I submitted my manuscript to an amazing, Canadian based competition called the “Women’s Journey Of Faith Contest.” Every year, the winner of this competition has their book published by Word Alive Press (an incredible opportunity for hopeful authors like myself.) I had previously entered this contest in 2017 and been shortlisted, so sending this in felt like a longshot. There are so many talented writers out there with stories that need to be heard. But I also knew that I needed to be faithful with the story that God had given me — and so, with a deep breath and more than a few prayers, I submitted my manuscript.
And today, I am beyond excited and humbled (and hyperventilating-a-little-because-this-dream-is-finally-happening) to share that my book has won the 2019 Women’s Journey of Faith Contest! No words seem adequate to express just how thrilled and thankful I am for this opportunity.
All I can say is, to God be the glory!
Because this is 100% Him.
As the winner of this contest, Word Alive Press will be publishing my manuscript. This is a book that has been built upon tears and prayers and countless stories of loss, hope, and faith. I am completely amazed, utterly grateful, and joyously overwhelmed by this opportunity. Because if you’ve been following along for a while, you’ll know that the process to get here hasn’t been easy. (But really, when has getting a book published ever been easy?)
For over two years, I’ve been searching for a publisher. I’ve had an agent and I’ve lost an agent. I’ve re-written and edited. I’ve interviewed countless women and tried my best to faithfully weave their stories into the chapters of this little book. I’ve tried to remain patient in the wait and faithful with what God has given me in the here and the now.
But to be completely honest, there were days when I thought this book wasn’t going to happen. There were days when the frustrations and the insecurities grew louder and more persistent than anything else. Our dreams don’t always follow a linear path and we don’t always see God’s big-picture plan — all we can do is be faithful to glorify Him through it.
And so I stand here today, completely amazed and in awe of God’s extraordinary timing and the ways in which He chooses to move.
Because there is no doubt. This is a God move. And to Him be all the glory and praise.
I’d also like to give my deepest thanks to Word Alive Press and Women’s Journey of Faith for this opportunity. I firmly believe that we need to do better at talking about difficult subjects like stillbirth and miscarriage, and I am so grateful for the chance to share not only my story, but the stories of many other women. May we learn to embrace and cling to Christ through the darkest of days. May we, as brothers and sisters in Christ, rise up in support of those who are hurting. And may this book continually point to the God who heals, redeems, and restores even our most broken of pieces.
I can’t wait to see what God does with this little book.
So, stay tuned for more details!!!