For decades, women have been told to wait until the end of the first trimester before announcing their pregnancies. After thirteen weeks, the chances of miscarriage decrease dramatically and you can avoid the awkwardness comes with having to inform everyone that you are “no longer pregnant” if you lose the baby.

This is one of the main rationals behind this advice.

And I hate it.

I mean, I get it. I truly do.

There’s no pain like someone congratulating you on a pregnancy that no longer exists. As you awkwardly mumble that you’re no longer expecting, the look on your co-workers face says it all: an expression of horror, embarrassment, and pity. You paste on a false smile and nod your way through their sympathies, counting down the moments until you can hide in a bathroom stall and silently sob into the two-ply.

And so, you wait.

You wait until your baby’s heart beats with assurance and the ultrasound machines spit out little black and white promises to come.

You wait until you’re past “the danger zone.”

It sounds like a good plan to hold this secret close. You pee in a cup and watch the pink lines spread across the strip of paper. Tucking this newfound dream against your heart, you quietly nurture this soon-to-bloom bud. This hope is tender and confusing and emotional, and you’re not sure if you’re ready to share it yet with the world.

So wait. Take the time to process, to love, to organize. Don’t share until you’re ready.

But don’t hold back out of fear.

Not all of us want to openly share about our miscarriages. We’re all different and that’s okay. But with a generation of women who are breaking taboos and peeling back the silence around miscarriage, it’s important to know that there’s nothing shameful about this. We’ve believed lies about pregnancy loss for far too long — but we don’t have to suffer alone.

It’s important to know that even if our worst nightmare comes true, there is nothing wrong with grieving a miscarriage. That it’s good to talk about and process the grief that comes with losing even the littlest of the littles. And that there’s something beautiful to be found when you gathering together to celebrate each and every life, even the ones we never get to meet. Because in the midst of your darkest nights, you might need someone to hold you and cry with you and say, “I’ve been there and I’m here with you now.”

So don’t be afraid to open your heart early.

Don’t be afraid to bond and to love and to share — even if the world says, “wait.”

This pregnancy is reason to celebrate.


You don't HAVE to wait until 13 weeks to announce your pregnancy. Here's why.

3 replies
  1. Leah
    Leah says:

    I agree with this. We announced both times. The first time because we had one healthy baby so no reason to think the pregnancy would be different. The second time we had a heartbeat at 8.5 weeks so the risk was so low of losing it. I had a baby with a heartbeat at 8.5 weeks. So we were jubilant that this time we had a heartbeat. A strong heartbeat of 178, not even close to the low heart beat that can mean you may still be at risk. A heartbeat at 8.5 weeks puts the risk of miscarriage down to just 2 percent or less. But then at almost 12 weeks I had mild cramping and bleeding so I went to hospital and the ultrasound showed a baby that hadn’t grown much past that 8.5 week joyful ultrasound. A baby with no heart beat. We are stunned and confused. It’s so bizarre to be the one to represent such a tiny statistic as 2 percent. Especially being a statistician myself as a career. We are clinging to God and his plan. But also wondering what is the plan? Do we try again or is he clearly saying just one child is in his plan for us…

    • Liz Mannegren
      Liz Mannegren says:

      So sorry to hear of your loss, Leah. <3 After a stillbirth and four miscarriages, we also represent a super tiny statistic. I'm so intrigued by the fact that you're a statistician! The doctors always tried to reassure us with statistics but it's hard knowing that no matter what the numbers are, you could still always be that 1 in ____. Our only way forward is clinging to God and trusting in Him. So thankful that you have that reassurance, but I also know how difficult it can be to make future decisions. Praying for wisdom and peace for you both, as you listen and wait on Him for answers.


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